stuckbetweenStations.

Optimism, I nearly lost you.

Found myself in a bit of a funk here recently. Was surrounded by nothing Monday to Friday following three pm. My evenings, despite my best efforts, seemed to go on forever. I took early bedtimes aplenty and ate dinner while the sun was still high in the sky. I chose these things, and it nearly killed my spirit. I am a girl who equates busy-ness with happiness, who found herself with nothing to do for a week’s worth of time and nearly lost her head as a result.

You have to pull yourself out of such things, you know. If it comes from your eyes—the version of the world you’ve chosen to construct, I mean, it’s up to you to change the vision and kill the negativity. I tell the children all the time that taking responsibility isn’t a bad thing—once it is no one else’s fault, you can finally figure out how to fix it yourself. I had to fix this myself.

After lots of thought & a list or two (I do love list-making), I decided that perhaps a part-time job wouldn’t be such a bad option. Would still give me time to do that which I enjoy doing weeknights, like the gym & cooking a delicious dinner, but would make bedtime a more reasonable time & introduce me to a new scene full of new folks with neat stories. Such is the plan. I have found a gig planning little kid birthday parties & a gig pet-sitting in giant empty houses near my school. Not sure how either will pan out just yet,  but am thankful for the opportunity & am considering both options evidence to my theory that we can fix things ourselves. If you want a different world, change it.

Leaving it up to others almost always leads to disappointment.

8am