stuckbetweenStations.

After the Valley:

Recently, I interviewed for a myriad of summer positions to get me out of this town & the comfort zone that has, despite its best intentions, nearly strangled me with its desire for conformity to a suburban standard I just can’t get down with. I was restless.

I bought the house. The car. The always overcompensatingly sweet rescue dog & cat-like creature who’s origins may be closer to Jabba the Hut than the feline kingdom. I bought the things. Upgraded the insurance. Developed the palate for red wine. Nurtured & grew those quality friendships; most of which I’ve been fortunate enough to have grace my life since age 16. Realized, most importantly, how fortunate I am & gave proper thanks in appropriate doses.

But it wasn’t enough. I was restless.

I don’t know where it comes from or that knowing its origin would help me somehow create compromise between these two warring sides of myself. To go or stay has been the all-encompassing question of my twenties. With a little over a year left to go before thirty comes around, the answer has yet to appear. 

Decided to apply to these positions after realizing that I wasn’t leaving anything behind here with the exception of the aforementioned mostly adoring creatures and the comfortably conformed structure which contains them. I also came to the realization that those who love you will do that regardless of your physical location and that often, the ones that love you most will help you leave. Relationships aren’t based on geographic coordinates. 

Then I found Yale. More specifically, an Academic Dean Position with a Summer Institute intended for the highly gifted child. Three weeks of intensive curriculum development work piled high with mentoring instructors on things like how best to teach a 13 year old the origins of the universe. 

Really, the restless saved me. To stay stagnant & settle just isn’t in my blood. I wrote an e-mail to a fellow who was my very first administrator when I began teaching years ago to tell him about Yale. Every good interviewer asks who has shaped you in your profession the most. He is that for me.

This man, told me, as a first year teacher at a very naive 22, recently thrown into a classroom of kids nobody else wanted, to see everything that felt impossible simply as “growth opportunities.” In the years I worked with him, he brought me through several “growth opportunities.” This was his response to the news:

Ashley: 

I am so proud of you! This is the kind of opportunity that has become common in your professional life, and should be. Growth opportunities pay off way down the road if you gut them out. Most of the time the pay off becomes how you use what you learned in the valley. It at least lets you discover new paths you may want to go down for a season. Great Job!

Here’s to getting past the valley, y’all.